


EMTFI: Emergency Medical Technician for Idiots

by ImmortalBeing



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, He's bi, Hidan works as a sound editor, M/M, Tumblr Prompt, after the alloted time he uses his interest in pyrotechnics to destory them, deidara is employed as a sculptor but he only rents his works, feel free to ask questions though, hidan says he isn't gay and isn't lying, hidan's art is different than what you think, i have an entire world built for this and other future stories (not even just hidasaso based), im just horrible at world building in stories, not even sorry, not sure where this is going to go except gay, sasori is an emt, spoilerheplayspiano
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2019-09-17 00:33:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16964409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmortalBeing/pseuds/ImmortalBeing
Summary: Prompt:'On a dare, I licked a metal pole in freezing temperatures and you were the EMT sent to detach my tongue.'Winter shenanigans. First impressions gone wrong. Romantic comedy.





	1. Chapter 1

"I'm not fucking _scared_!" Hidan yanked open the door to his apartment, ignoring the way the cold bit at his bare chest. "Just you fucking watch!"

"Wait up, yeah!" Deidara called after him as he quickly shoved his shoes and a coat on. He may have dared Hidan to do this but he was _not_ going to freeze because of it.

By the time Deidara caught up to the other man he was standing there with his arms crossed. He was clearly cold. "Aww, if you're cold you could always just quit and admit that you lost, yeah!"

"Fuck you. Like I said I am not fucking scared!" And with that he licked the pole.

Ha. That was easy.

...wait-

Shit-

He tried to pull back from the pole but couldn't. His tongue had gotten stuck.

As soon as he realized what was going on, Deidara burst into laughter. "You really got stuck! This is the _best_ , yeah!"

"Fuck you-" Hidan said as best he could around his tongue. "Get me unstuck!!"

It took a few moments for the blonde to stop laughing but once he did he pulled out his phone and called for someone to help. Once they said they were on their way he hung up.

"But you wish you waited to put some clothes on now, hm?"

"Fuck you, bitch- this is all your fucking fault.

"I'm sorry, what? I can't hear you. Is there something in your mouth, hm?"

"Fuck you!"

Deidara laughed again, not minding standing there with the other since he actually had the smart idea of putting on winter clothes.

It wasn't much longer until a lone EMT pulled up. He looked instantly done the moment he saw just who was there. He didn't know the idiot attached to the pole but he unfortunatly knew the other one. "What happened-?"

Sasori knew it was probably something ridiculous, being Deidara and a half naked man he was dealing with but he still had to ask. After all, it was his job.

"Sasori, my man!" Deidara smiled at the other man, glad to see him. He considered them to be friends. Or at the very least, freniemies and it was nice to get to see him.

Wait-? Deidara knew this guy-? Hidan tried to turn around, wincing some when he ended up yanking his tongue. That fucking hurt-

"Don't yank like that, unless you want to rip off part of your tonuge." Sasori moved around to get a better look at how the tongue was connected, finally allowing the silver haired man a view of him. "Deidara. What happened?"

Holy shit- he was actually kind of hot. Deidara knew a guy like this and didn't tell him? What the fuck!

"I dared him to lick the pole, yeah."

Well. That didn't suprise him at all. "This is going to be hot." He started to slowly pour hot water down the pole, motioning for the other to pull away slowly as he did so.

"That fuck hurt!" Hidan yelled as he turned towards Deidara. "What the fuck is wrong with you!"

"Hey," Deidara raised his hands up in a defensive position. "I told you you could back out, Hidan. Not my fault you didn't, yeah."

"I told you I wasn't a fucking pussy! You should've thought ahead and dared me to fucking do something different!"

Huh. Sasori actually prefered him when his tongue was stuck to the pole. At least it was quieter. "Hidan?" He questioned, assuming that was the other's name.

Oh, right. The EMT was still here-

Hidan turned around, backing up some so he could see both of them at the same time. "Yeah-?" Okay, now that he could see this guy clearer he wasn't just kind of hot. He was really fucking hot and also...cute at the same time?

"How is your tongue?"

Hidan grinned. "It hurts a little fucking bit but you can kiss it better, right?"

He got his tongue stuck to a pole because of a dare and now he was flirting with him? Sasori did _not_ have time for this.

He promptly turned around and headed back to his vehical, not bother to grace Hidan with a reply or Deidara with a farewell.

"Hey! Don't fucking be rude! It was just a joke- I'm not even fucking gay-"

"Are you sure about that?" Sasori questioned before shutting the door and driving off. He had seen the way Hidan's eyes lingered on him. That man was definitly bi if not gay.

"Dei, your friend is fucking rude."

"I know- let's go inside, yeah?"

"Yeah." They walked back in silence for only a moment before Hidan spoke up again. "Do you have his number-?"

"So you really were flirting, yeah."

"No-! I was _not_ fucking flirting! He's an ass so why not be an ass to him and give me his number so I can be an ass?"

"Okay, I believe you." Deidara said with a snicker but still gave Hidan Sasori's number. The worst the redhead could do was yell at him and he's done that plenty of times-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't edit this at all
> 
> I also have no idea where this is going  
> And updates will likely take a while since i currently am the main income bringer for my household and i am working on trying tk get a promotion-


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 90% of this chapter is just texting-  
> You have been warned

Later that night, after Deidara had left, Hidan was laying in his bed and pointlessly scrolling through Facebook since he was off of work for the next few days. It was strange to get a decent amount of time off from his job as sound editor since there was always something to edit be it for a movie, a show or really anything else that had sound- but that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy it.

That being said, he was bored. he wasn't used to having to entertain himself so much anymore and Deidara couldn't just live at his house while he was off- wait- there was Deidara's...friend? If he and that Sasori guy could be considered friends. He wasn't sure even after talking to Dei about him if they were friends or not but that didn't really matter. What mattered was that Hidan had the guy's phone number.

He scrambled off his bed and grabbed the piece of paper Deidara had written the number on - why hadn't he just put it in his phone, dammit Dei - before plopping back onto his bed and quickly saved his number, preparing to text the redhead but paused. What was he even going to say?

 **To- >[Sasori] 23:17**  
Heyyyyy

Perfect. Now to wait for a reply- 

**To- >[###-####] 23:20**  
Hello?  
Who is this?

Oh- that actually didn't take too long at all. He was about to go get a pre-midnight snack but paused in his movements when his phone buzzed.

 **To- >[Sasori] 23:22**  
Just a hottie you met earlier~ ;)

He laughed some at his text and got up to go make his sandwich.

A hottie that he-? This was Hidan wasn't it? At least, he was fairly certain that was his name but how did he even get- Deidara. Of course. That brat really needed to stop giving his number to people. 

**To- >[Brat #2] 23:30**  
You got stuck to a pole. What about that was hot?

Damn, he took a lot longer to reply that time. Was he falling asleep on him- but he was booooreeeeed.

 **To- >[Sasori] 23:32**  
Yeah, but you think I'm hot~

 **To- >[Brat #2] 23:34**  
I never said that.

 **To- >[Sasori] 23:35**  
Yeah, but you knew who I was when I said I was the hot one~

 **To- >[Brat #2] 23:37**  
You're the only person I've met today that could have gotten my number. Doesn't mean I think you're hot.

 **To- >[Sasori] 23:38**  
Dammit.

He waited ten minutes with no response before frowning. Now he wasn't replying- no fair- 

**To- >[Sasori] 23:50**  
What are you doing-?

 **To- >[Brat #2] 23:55**  
Go to sleep, Hidan.

 **To- >[Sasori] 23:55**  
You got to sleep.

 **To- >[Sasori] 23:56**  
Wait

 **To- >[Sasori] 23:56**  
Shit

 **To- >[Sasori]23:57**  
Don't go to sleep. I'm fucking bored.

 **To- >[Brat #2] 23:58**  
I can tell.

 **To- >[Sasori] 23:59**  
So you'll stay up?

 **To- >[Brat #2] 00:00**  
Goodnight, Hidan.

 **To- >[Assori] 00:01**  
Asshole.

Great.

Now he was fucking bored again. Who could he even text now- Well, maybe Deidara was up? Hopefully- He actually knew Sasori so at least Hidan could complain about him to the blonde!

 **To- >[Art Freak] 00:10**  
Hey

 **To- >[Art Freak] 00:10**  
Sasori's a fucking asshole-

 **To- >[Religious Freak]**  
Did you wait for it to be this late to text him, un?

 **To- >[Art Freak] 00:12**  
Yeah, why?

 **To- >[Religious Freak] 00:15**  
You probably interrupted him. Think that makes you the ass, yeah.

 **To- >[Art Freak] 00:16**  
Interrupted what? I asked what he was doing and he fucking told me to go to bed and said good night!

 **To- >[Religious Freak] 00:18**  
He's an artist. At least he thinks he is. Let me tell you he is _not_ a true artist, yeah.

 **To- >[Art Freak] 00:18**  
Oh shit. Look at the time. I really should sleep-

 **To- >[Art Freak] 00:18**  
Night!

Deidara sighed, knowing Hidan probably wasn't actually going to go to bed, but refrained from texting him more. He should head to bed anyways-

 **To- >[Assori] 00:21**  
Soooo, art, huh?

Hidan frowned again as there was no answer. Either the redhead was really asleep or he was ignoring him- Hidan could at least text him later and annoy him more. It _was_ getting late after all. 

**To- >[Assori] 00:35**  
Sleep well-

And with that, Hidan finally went to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hidan's Contacts:  
> Sasori - Sasori and later Assori  
> Deidara - Art Freak
> 
> Sasori's Contacts:  
> Deidara - Brat  
> Hidan - Brat #2
> 
> Deidara's Contacts:  
> Hidan - Religious Freak  
> Sasori - Danna
> 
> These will be posted in every chapter that anyone texts and shall be updated as the contact names change!
> 
> alsohappynewyearinuhhh4minutesforme


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn't until a week later that Hidan saw Sasori again. He had been planning to pester the redhead sooner than that but Deidara came over again the next day and from then he had kept busy, hanging out with Deidara and then starting work back up again so he hadn't had the chance to.

Sasori was glad for the break from Hidan, having expected to receive more messages when the other woke up but didn't. It was peaceful without him bothering him and he liked it. Well, as peaceful as it could be when you were friends with Deidara- But at least he could spend his time focusing on his art and not on entertaining a child.

Unfortunately for Sasori, that peace, that time without Hidan couldn't last.

Hidan was at work, actually working hard since he enjoyed his job when he heard an exclamation of pain, drawing him out of his concentration. It didn't take very long to locate the source of the noise: an idiot coworker of his who had just stuck a fork in an outlet with another one recording it.

"What the fuck are you doing!?" He yelled as he grabbed his phone to call 911. This guy would probably need medical assistance- Didn't people know to not fucking do that unless they wanted shocked!?

"We needed the sound of someone getting electrocuted for a video-!"

"Again, what the fuck-"

Or they did know they would get electrocuted and that was what they wanted. Idiots.

...Thinks the one who got his tongue stuck to a fucking pole. At least he got to meet Sasori out of it. Hey, that was a great idea, actually-

He stopped dialing 911, he hadn't gotten that far anyways thanks to his coworkers stupidity, and pulled up his text box with Sasori instead.

 **To- >[Assori] 15:43**  
Hey, are you free?

Sasori frowned at his phone. Well, the peace couldn't last forever. What did Hidan even want? Did he finally have the guts to stop pretending he wasn't gay and ask him out? Not that Sasori would say yes but he could tell that Hidan liked guys, regardless of what the man said.

 **To- >[Brat #2] 15:45**  
Why?

"Hey- Hidan, can you call 911-? He doesn't look very good-"

"Give me a fucking moment, I'm getting something better than 911-"

"Something better-?"

"Yes, now shut the fuck up and let me type."

 **To- >[Assori] 15:50**  
I have a stupid coworker I need you to come help. Idiot electrocuted himself, figured having you fix him up would be pretty fucking funny

...he wanted him to come help his coworker and what? Sass him? That was a strange request but, why not-?

 **To- >[Brat #2] 15:52**  
Alright, where do you work?

Hidan grinned, quickly sending Sasori the address. This was going to be _great_ and maybe it would teach his coworkers to stop being so fucking stupid so he could focus- torture noises don't edit themselves after all, or any other sounds for that matter. He smiled again as Sasori told him he would be there soon.

"He'll be here soon, don't fucking worry.

"Who-?"

"Someone to help the fucktard."

A little bit of time passed before Sasori strode into the room, uniform on as if he really was working and not just doing this for Hidan for whatever reason. He sighed as soon as he saw the electrocuted man, more disappointed than surprised that he had stuck a fork in the outlet.

"Did you _want_ to get electrocuted?"

"He fucking did, actually."

Of course he did. Sasori didn't even know the other man but if it was someone Hidan would call an idiot then it didn't surprise him in the least.

Sasori leaned down and looked the man over, noting that he just seemed to have a few electrical burns and that was all. That shouldn't be too hard to deal with at least. He started to put burn cream on the burns, not bothering to be gentle about it. If the guy thought it was a good idea to do what he did then he could handle the slight sting of the burn cream being applied.

"Why did you think it was a good idea to electrocute yourself?"

"We- we needed the sound of an electrocution!"

"And you couldn't google it or find something else to electrocute that wouldn't result in harming yourself? Even Hidan knows what you did was a bad idea and he got his tongue stuck to a pole last week-" He smirked ever so slightly. He knew Hidan had asked him hear to make the other man realize how dumb he was but he couldn't help but to pick fun at Hidan instead. It was fun-

"You what-?" His coworker asked, as both of them burst into laughter.

"Wha- shut the fuck up! Why would you fucking tell them that!?"

"You mean you haven't been telling people how brave you were by licking a pole?"

"I-"

"That is how you saw it right? As you not being...how did you put it? 'A fucking pussy?'"

"Sasoriii! Shut the fuck up-!"

"Make me."

"I-" Well. That was a gay thought- Not that he was gay or anything- "Just fucking do it."

"I don't see you making me." Sasori stood up as he spoke, turning to look at Hidan and no longer paying attention to the other men. His hands were covered and wrapped now anyway.

"I can't-"

"Can't what? Make me shut up?"

"I- yeah--"

"Then stop demanding it."

"But-"

"Yes?"

"Never mind-"

"Right. In that case am I done here or did you need me to treat your burns?"

"I don't have any but-" He paused as Sasori smirked again. "Hey- fuck you!"

"In your dreams, Hidan."

"Asshole."

"In all seriousness," Sasori started, ignoring Hidan's insult. "Did you need anything else?"

"Uh-" He looked over at the clock. 16:56. Was Sasori really here that long-? "No, but I'm off right about now so, uh, wanna fucking get something to eat? My treat."

"Why would I want that?"

Hidan shrugged. "Payment for fucking making you come out here?"

As long as Hidan didn't see this as a date he didn't see a problem with it. He _was_ hungry after all and Hidan _had_ interrupted his peaceful day. "Alright then, let's go."

"Sweet-! Just let me get my shit and I'll be right out-!"

"Don't keep me waiting." He turned and let the room, going to the entrance of the building to wait for Hidan but he wasn't planning on waiting very long. Free food was not worth waiting with how impatient Sasori was.

Twenty five minutes later, Hidan ran out of the building in a rush, looking back and forth for Sasori's red hair but he couldn't find him anywhere-

"Shit. Did he leave-?"

 **To- >[Assori] 17:20**  
Hey, where'd you go?

 **To- >[Brat #2] 17:22**  
I went home. I told you to not keep me waiting.

He sighed, heading to his car.

 **To- >[Assori] 17:25**  
Fine but this means you fucking owe me-

 **To- >[Brat #2] 17:27**  
I owe you because you took too long?

 **To- >[Assori] 17:30**  
i couldnt help it! My fucking boss was yelling at me!

 **To- >[Brat #2] 17:32**  
Treat me to food later then. And be safe on your way home. I don't want to have to come get you.

 **To- >[Assori] 17:33**  
Aww, you'd come get me?

 **To- >[Brat #2] 17:35**  
I'm an EMT, I would have to and you'd probably text me instead of calling 911 like you did earlier.

 **To- >[Assori] 17:37**  
Shit, ya got me there. So, see you in 10? ;) 

**To- >[Brat #2] 17:37**  
Don't.

Hidan laughed, pleased that Sasori seemed to not want him to get in an accident, even if it was just so he wouldn't have to come get him.

 **To- >[Assori] 17:38**  
Relax, I'm not gonna fucking get hurt today. I still gotta treat you to dinner. 

**To- >[Brat #2] 17:40**  
Then stop texting me and be safe.

 **To- >[Assori] 17:40**  
Fiiinneee. I'll fucking text you later, though.

Wait- now they had plans for later- even though they didn't figure out what the plans are yet-- Does that make it a date-? Shit, he's not gay- Sasori's hot but- fuck-

He grabbed his phone and called Deidara, waiting for the blonde to answer before he started driving. He had promised to be safe. Sort of. 

"Hey, what's up?"

"I got a fucking problem-"

"What?"

"I, uh-" He laughed. "I think I have a fucking date with Sasori? Maybe?"

Deidara laughed. "Told you you were flirting, yeah!"

"I was _not_!"

"Then how do you have a date, hm?"

"He came to my work to help my dumbass coworker and I said I'd take him to eat because of it but then my stupid fucking boss yelled at me for so long that he left so I texted him and now we're gonna do it later- we haven't fucking decided when or where but- is it a date? It's a fucking date isn't it-? I'm not supposed to be fucking dating him!"

"Hidan. Shut up, yeah? If it was a date you'd know."

"But what if I fucking don't!?"

"Just ask him, you still have to plan it anyways."

"But-"

"Goodbye, Hidan." Deidara then hung up.

"Fucking asshole."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hidan's Contacts:  
> Sasori - Assori  
> Deidara - Art Freak
> 
> Sasori's Contacts:  
> Deidara - Brat  
> Hidan - Brat #2
> 
> Deidara's Contacts:  
> Hidan - Religious Freak  
> Sasori - Danna


	4. Chapter 4

**[Assori] 18:30**  
Hey-

Once Hidan was home he waited a little while before texting Sasori again, not wanting to sound annoying ~~despite usually trying to annoy everyone~~ but he wasn't able to wait even a full hour before he sent a text. But, hey, he _had_ to know if it was a date or what and Deidara was right, he had to ask to be able to find out.

**[Brat #2] 18:35**  
Yes, Hidan?

**[Assori] 18:36**  
What's up?

**[Brat #2] 18:38**  
Nothing.

**[Brat #2] 18:39**  
Now why did you really text me?

Sasori wasn't dumb, he had a pretty good feeling that Hidan had texted him to finish planning their outing but that didn't mean he couldn't make it clear that the other needed to cut to the chase. He didn't want to sit through pointless conversation and wait for someone to get to the point.

**[Assori] 18:41**  
Damn-okay then, uh can I call you?

This might go horribly and he didn't want any evidence of it if it did.

**[Brat #2]18:43**  
Just call me next time.

Right. So that means he should call him right? And that he was allowed to call the redhead whenever he wanted to? Sweet-

He smiled at the thought of getting to call Sasori whenever, and did just that.

"Hello."

"Heyyy."

"So?"

"Yeaaaah?"

Sasori sighed. "Did you have a reason for calling me?" Did he really have to constantly remind Hidan to just get to the point?

"Oh, shit- yeah, uh- you know our, um, fuck- isitadate?" Great. This was embarrassing- thanks for nothing Deidara.

"What?" Sasori heard what Hidan had said but he didn't exactly believe it. The same guy who claimed to be straight not even two weeks ago was asking him if their outing was a date? Did he _want_ it to be a date? How was he even going to claim to be straight after that? It would be fun to see him try-maybe he should see what the other would do if he messed with him a little-

Shitshitshit, now he had to repeat himself? As if this wasn't already embarrassing enough? It's not even like he wanted it to be a date! He just needed to know if it fucking was or not- You know what? Fuck it- it's not a date, Sasori isn't even gay- hell, he's not gay.

"When are you free to eat? We can do dinner or lunch? Probably not breakfast unless you come wake me up-" He laughed at the breakfast thing, hopping that the changed topic would work.

"Hidan, I know that's not what you said before." Needless to say, the topic change did not work on Sasori.

"Dammit-if you know what I said why the hell do I have to fucking say it again!?"

"Do you _want_ it to be a date?"

"Wha- I- no- I told you I'm not fucking gay! ...why-? Do you want it to be a date?"

"Right. It's not a date. You're paying me back for something, not treating me to something for free."

"Oh-" Why the hell did he sound disappointed? He wasn't disappointed-! "That fucking makes sense- So, uh-"

"5pm, Saturday? Or 6pm if you have work?"

"5 fucking works- Text me your address and I can pick you up?"

"As long as you don't leave me waiting."

"Yeah, won't fucking make that mistake again-"

Good. Though he wasn't so sure of that from Hidan. "What time was it Hidan?"

"5 fucking pm. I won't fucking forget it, swear to Jashin."

Jashin? Did he even want to know-? ....Probably not- "Alright."

Now what? Hidan really didn't want to end this phone call. "Soooo-"

"Yes, Hidan?"

"You fucking say my name a lot, you know that?"

"Yes, _Hidan_."

Hidan laughed. "Yeah, okay, so you fucking know but why do you do it?"

"Do I need to have a reason, Hidan?" Now he was just going to use the other's name a lot simply because he had pointed it. Before that, however, he didn't actually have a reason. He just felt like it.

"I guess not. It's just fucking weird."

"And is weird bad, Hidan?"

"I- No, I guess it fucking isn't, Sasori."

"Then we don't have a problem, do we, Hidan?"

"No, Sasori, I don't fucking think we do."

"Wonderful, Hidan."

"That didn't even fucking make sense, Sasori."

"How not, Hidan?"

"Because it fucking didn't-!"

It was silent for a moment until Hidan realized he had forgotten to add in the other's name.

"Wait-! Shit, I fucked up."

Sasori laughed, causing the other to smile. That was a nice sound-

"Shut the hell up." The smile on his voice was clear in his tone, he wasn't actually upset."

"But I didn't say anything, Hidan."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're fucking better at saying my name than I am."

"How often do you call your own name, Hidan?"

"Not often-?"

"That's why I'm better."

"Ha! You fucking lost!"

"You already lost five minutes ago."

"Yeah but-fuck you."

"Nice comeback, Hidan."

"Damn right it was."

Sasori laughed lightly in disbelief, stealing a glance at the time as he did. He really needed to start working on his art if he wanted to get anything done before he had to go to bed for work-

"Hidan?"

"Yes, Sasori?"

"I have to go."

"Aww, why?" He had honestly been enjoying himself. "What do you even have to fucking do?"

"Art-"

"Art-?" Wait- he _was_ friends with Deidara- "You're a fucking artist like, Deidara??"

An artist... _like_...Deidara?

"Sasori-?"

"No. I'm not an artist _like him_ I create actual art while he's always too busy playing to see that _true_ art is eternal. Not that fleeting bullshit he pretends is art."

"Holy shit-"

"What?"

"How the _hell_ are you two friends? You don't even fucking agree on art and that's like, Dei's entire fucking life- and yours by the sound of things-"

He sighed. "Your guess is as good as mine, Hidan."

"Damn."

"I really do have to go now."

"Right. Night, Sasori."

"Goodnight, Hidan."

**[Art Freak]19:30**  
Why the hell didn't you tell me Sasori's art was so different that yours?

**[Religious Freak]19:30**  
What he makes isn't art, yeah

**[Art Freak] 19:32**  
That's what he fucking said about what you make

**[Religious Freak]19:33**  
And he's wrong

**[Art Freak]19:43**  
Anyways- It's not a date

**[Religious Freak]19:44**  
See? How hard was that, hm?

**[Art Freak] 19:44**  
Excruciating

**[Religious Freak]19:45**  
Shut up, un.

**[Religious Freak]19:45**  
I'll talk to you later, yeah. Got stuff to do

**[Art freak]19:46**  
You too? It's not even fucking 8 yet!

**[Religious Freak] 20:02**  
It is now

**[Art Freak]20:03**  
You made me wait that long for that? Fuck you

And now he was bored again- Guess he could work on his own 'art' since that was what every fucking body else was doing. Maybe tomorrow he could bother fucking Kakuzu too? That would be fun. He would do it now but the geezer was probably already in bed and wouldn't reply even if he tried so it wasn't worth the effort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hidan's Contacts:  
> Sasori - Assori  
> Deidara - Art Freak
> 
> Sasori's Contacts:  
> Deidara - Brat  
> Hidan - Brat #2
> 
> Deidara's Contacts:  
> Hidan - Religious Freak  
> Sasori - Danna
> 
> Just gonna...leave this here-  
>  _'When we say a person’s name we are telling those who listen how important they are to us.'_
> 
>  
> 
> [Source](https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-power-of-using-someones-name-ldvs/)


	5. Chapter 5

The hospital was as boring looking as ever but Hidan knew that it's looks were deceiving. After all, Kakuzu worked here and what could be more fun than annoying the old man? Not much that he could think of, that's what.

He was grinning as he sauntered into the room a nurse led him to. He knew the doctor would already be in the room before he even opened the door. Kakuzu preferred to work as quick as possible so that he could make the most possible money and not have to deal with patients who whined about how long it took for him to get to them.

The moment Kakuzu had received the file for his next patient and realized it was Hidan he had heaved a big sigh. The younger male did this a lot, came to the hospital for a check up he could get at any clinic just so that he could pester him. He didn't have time to be messing with Hidan and dealing with his bullshit.

"Hey fuckface!" Hidan greeted as the door shut, shit eating grin firm on his face. This was going to be _fun_.

"Why are you here?" He knew exactly why Hidan was here but he was asking in hopes that for once Hidan would realize how stupid this was and would just go away.

"What do you mean why am I here? I'm here for my fucking check up!"

Or maybe Kakuzu would have to be more straight forward with the idiot. "Go away."

"That's fucking rude! You can't make me leave! I haven't fucking done anything and I had to take the fucking day off of work for this!" Not that he particularly cared about that but he figured with Kakuzu's obsession with money that he would.

Had to? More like Hidan was using this as an excuse to get out of work and to annoy him. Kakuzu sighed. This was going to be one of those days, wasn't it?

"You aren't here for a check up. You're here to annoy me, so just go away."

"Who the hell says I ain't here for a checkup?"

"Me. Aside from when you manage to injure yourself, your health is immaculate. Which is peculiar for someone who goes outside in next to nothing and gets themselves stuck to a pole, like an idiot. Who licks a pole?" It was Kakuzu's turn to smirk, knowing that Hidan would know exactly what he was talking to and that Hidan wouldn't want him to know that it had even happened.

"Wha- how did- Who the _fuck_ told you about that!?"

"I have acquaintances too, you know."

"Yeah, but they're all fucking boring doctors and shit! Who do you know that knew that happened!? Only me and Dei fucking knew!"

Did Hidan really already forget that Sasori had to come get him off of that pole?

"And how often do you think I see him?"

"Well, he blows shit up a lot with his fucking fireworks and- wait- no! he wouldn't have fucking told you about it!"

"Then how do I know?" Kakuzu wasn't going to tell him. It was a lot funnier watching Hidan try and figure it out on his own.

"I don't fucking know!"

"Doesn't that just suck for you?"

"Fuck you, Kakuzu."

Kakuzu didn't even bat an eye at Hidan's insult, far too used to it to even care at this point. "If you're not going to leave then let's just get this over with."

"Whatever, old man." Whatever in that Hidan was not planning on making this easy for Kakuzu. He really didn't care and besides he was here to annoy Kakuzu after all.

Kakuzu took Hidan's arm, after grabbing a stop watch, a proceeded to count his heart rate.

"Kakuzu. Kakuzu. Kakuzuuuuu. Kakuzu! KakuzuKakuzuKakuzuKakuzuKakuzuKakuzuKakuzu!!!"

Kakuzu managed to ignore Hidan, once again thanks to being used to his antics. Once he finished writing down the number he wacked Hidan on the head with the clipboard. He could theoretically get in trouble for that but this was _Hidan_ he wasn't going to tell anyone and even if he did everyone would understand. Besides, he didn't hit him that hard.

"Ow! What the fuck!?" Hidan reached up and grabbed the back of his head, acting like it hurt really bad. "Kakuzuuuu that was fucking rude!"

"Then shut up and stop trying to distract me while I'm working."

"But Kakuzuuuu- wait- where the fuck are-" Hidan cut himself off as the door closed behind Kakuzu. Where the fuck was he going!? they weren't done here! "Asshole." He muttered to himself.

Kakuzu was _not_ going to be dealing with Hidan today. He didn't have the patience for it right now. He was going to go help anyone else that needed it then go back to Hidan if the man was even still there.

**[Art Freak]14:34**  
Kakuzu is a fucking asshole

**[Old Ass]14:32**  
Asshole. Where the fuck did you go?

**[Religious Freak]14:35**  
You're just now realizing that, yeah?

**[Art Freak]14:36**  
No but he fucking left me here all alone! I'm bored!

**[Religious Freak]14:38**  
Just leave

**[Art Freak]14:38**  
I can't fucking let him win!

**[Religious Freak]14:40**  
Then what do you want me to do, hm?

**[Art Freak]14:40**  
Nothing I fucking guess

**[Art Freak]15:05**  
Hey, when was the last time you fucking saw Kakuzu?

**[Religious Freak]15:10**  
When I broke my arm last month cause of that college student, Garbage or something, yeah?

**[Religious Freak]15:10**  
Why?

**[Art Freak]15:12**  
Kakuzu fucking knows I got my tongue stuck to a pole and won't tell me how

**[Religious Freak]15:15**  
Danna probably told him, yeah

**[Art Freak]15:15**  
...He knows Sasori?

**[Religious Freak]15:20**  
They're actually fairly close I think

**[Art Freak]15:21**  
What the fuck- does everyone fucking know Sasori!?

**[Old Ass]15:21**  
Sasori fucking told you!??

**[Religious Freak]15:25**  
Not everyone, yeah

**[Art Freak]15:26**  
And that fucking means most everyone. Great.

**[Religious Freak]15:30**  
Come on, it's not that bad

**[Art Freak]15:31**  
Yeah, yeah, whatever

**[Assori]15:31**  
You know Kakuzu? H o w

**[Brat #2]15:34**  
We work together sometimes. Speaking of, shouldn't you be at work?

**[Religious Freak]15:35**  
You leave yet?

**[Assori]15:35**  
No, got the day off to get a check up and bother Kakuzu but the asshole fucking left >:(

**[Art Freak]15:35**  
No, why?

**[Brat #2]15:37**  
I can see why he left

**[Assori]15:38**  
R00d. This is exactly why you're Assori in my phone

**[Religious Freak]15:39**  
You should leave so we can hang out, yeah!

**[Brat #2]15:41**  
Assori? That's actually creative. Good job.

**[Art Freak]15:41**  
Alright-I gotta get a fucking excuse note first though.

**[Art Freak]15:41**  
Oh! And can we fucking invite Sasori?

Hidan laughed lightly when he read Sasori's text and smiled, pleased that he liked the name rather than being offended by it.

**[Assori]15:43**  
Thanks- What's yours for me?

**[Old Ass]15:43**  
Fine! I'll fucking leave! Just come write me an excuse note so I don't get in more fucking trouble

**[Religious Freak]15:44**  
Sure ;)

**[Brat #2]15:45**  
Brat #2, you and Deidara are both brats

**[Assori]15:46**  
Damn, okay-

**[Assori]15:46**  
Oh hey- wanna fucking hang out with me and Dei?

**[Brat #2]15:50**  
And do what exactly?

**[Assori]15:51**  
Dei didn't fucking say but it should be fun? Pleaseeeee?

**[Brat #2]15:52**  
Sure, you two can come to my place if anything

"Yes!" Hidan proclaimed just as Kakuzu came back into the room. "Hey- fucking took you long enough-"

"Why the rush? Have a hot date or something?" He was purely joking, not expecting Hidan to actually have one.

"Wha- no- Shut the fuck up!" Hidan blushed some at that thought but quickly willed that thought away- It wasn't a date, not even their solo dinner was- And he didn't want it to be!

One of Kakuzu's brows rose. He was _not_ expecting the other to blush at that. Was he really going on a date? "Then what are you doing?" He started to fill out the note, not caring to keep Hidan here for long even though he was asking questions.

"Me, Dei and Sas are gonna fucking hang out- not that it's any of your damn business."

Hanging out with Deidara and Sasori made him blush? Did Hidan really already have a crush on Sasori? They haven't known each other for that long. Oh, well, as long as it wasn't him Kakuzu didn't care. Sasori could deal with Hidan if he wanted to.

Kakuzu held out the note to Hidan. "Here. Now get out."

Hidan smiled, grabbing the note and hopping to his feet. "Thanks, fucking see ya later, Kuzu!~" And with that he quickly left the room lest Kakuzu yell at him for that nickname. As he left he called Deidara.

"Hey, you out now?"

"Yup! And Sasori said we can fucking hang at his place! I can pick you up if you want?"

"No thanks- I'll drive myself, yeah."

"Suit your fucking self."

"See you there, jerk."

"Yeah. Later, bitch." And with that, Hidan hung up.

**[Assori]16:09**  
We'll fucking be there soon

**[Brat #2]16:10**  
Alright. Drive safely, Hidan

**[Assori]16:10**  
Yeah, yeah, I will

After sending that last text Hidan got in his car and drove off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hidan's Contacts:  
> Sasori - Assori  
> Deidara - Art Freak  
> Kakuzu - Old Ass
> 
> Sasori's Contacts:  
> Deidara - Brat  
> Hidan - Brat #2
> 
> Deidara's Contacts:  
> Hidan - Religious Freak  
> Sasori - Danna


	6. Chapter 6

It didn't take too long for Hidan to get to Sasori's place, thanks to the fact that he was _slightly_ speeding, just excited to get to hang out with Deidara and Sasori instead of being bored all day. 

He nearly jumped out of his car and ran to the door but calmed himself. It would probably look strange if he just ran to the door. It hadn't been that long since he's seen either of them, after all, and he didn't want to seem over excited or anything. This was just going to be a bunch of friends hanging out. 

Or, well, three friends but still- 

He walked, _calmly_ to the door and knocked on it, leg bouncing despite his decision to be calm about this. How could he not be excited when this was the first time he got to go to Sasori's house? 

"Hidan's here!" Deidara yelled out as he opened the door. 

Hidan was surprised for only a moment before he realized that the blonde lived near here. No wonder he had gotten here so fast. Damn it- that was no fair- 

...for absolutely no reason at all. 

Deidara gestured for Hidan to enter before closing the door behind him. "We're in the living room, yeah." 

"Sweet-" Hidan replied absentmindedly, too busy taking in the place to actually pay much attention to Deidara. Sasori's house was really nice- 

"Hey, Assori!" Hidan greeted the redhead with a grin the very moment they were in the living room. 

"Hello, brat number 2." Sasori replied in kind, leaving a slightly confused Deidara off to the side. 

The blonde had no idea what they were talking about- they must've been texting a lot or something. That's the only thing that would make sense. He smiled to himself. Hidan definitely had a crush- 

"Sooo, what do you guys wanna do, hm?" 

"Fuck if I know- I just don't want to fucking be bored." 

"Normally I'd be working but you two are here." 

"Work? But aren't you a fucking EMT? How the hell could you do that from home-?" 

"Hidan- let's not ask him about his 'work', yeah?" 

"But I want to fucking know! Sasoriiiii, what work are you talking about?" 

"My _art_." Sasori stressed the word art at the same time that Deidara coughed and said 'Bullshit'. 

"And that is exactly why I'm not working on it right now." 

"Wait-! You could work on it! Just fucking ignore Deidara!" 

"What the hell, Hidan! You're supposed to be on my side, yeah!" 

"Ignore Deidara? While he's in my house? You have met him, right-?" 

"Well- yeah, but-" 

"We both know that's a bad idea, Hidan." 

"Dei! Please! I wanna see his fucking art! Besides- how can I tell you whose is better if I haven't seen his before?" 

"Because you shouldn't have to see either of our works to know! It isn't about whose piece is better but the idea behind it, yeah! And we all know that true art is-" 

"Eternal." 

"Fleeting!" 

...what did he just start- 

"No, brat. True art is not fleeting. That is mere childs play. True art is something that lasts through the ages. Only then does it have true value." 

"Who cares if something lasts and gets old and dusty? How special is a dusty thing on a shelf!? True art is something fleeting! Something you can only experience in the moment! Something that can never be perfectly replicated again! True art is irreplaceable and _fleeting_ , yeah!" 

"It's special _because_ it can last, Deidara. And the truly special ones don't get dusty. They get taken care of and cherished for the rest of time. It's something you remember always and something you can show to others time and time again." 

"You can show fleeting art to others too! And each one will be a different and truly amazing experience!" 

He couldn't believe they were really arguing like this. Sure, he should have guessed it with how they spoke of each others art but Sasori was normally so levelheaded that he didn't expect it. Of course, Sasori was still being fairly levelheaded despite the argument but it was almost as if they had forgotten he was even there- 

"Can't they both be forms of art-?" 

They didn't even pause to acknowledge him. Just kept arguing. Seriously, how the hell were these two friends? Friends that actively chose to hang out with each other? 

Hidan went to the kitchen and helped himself to something to drink, figuring if Sasori cared he would notice but their argument didn't even pause when he left. Or when he came back...were they going to argue all night? 

"Hey could you two fucki-" Just as Hidan was about to ask them to stop arguing, Deidara got a phone call. One that made him pause midsentence and then sigh. Heavily. 

"I have to answer this-" He did just that as he walked out of the room. 

"Seriously-" Hidan started once Deidara was gone. "How the fuck are you two friends?" 

"I don't know, Hidan. I guess he isn't _that_ bad when he isn't talking about his take on art." 

"But- he never fucking shuts up about art. Even _I_ get annoyed with it and I don't fucking have a true form of art-!" 

"I know, Hidan. Trust me, I've dealt with him for a while." 

"But why? Don't get me wrong I'm glad you two are fucking friends 'cause otherwise I wouldn't have fucking met you but it makes no damn sense." 

"We get along sometimes? Enough that I don't hate him, so it works-" 

"I guess that fucking makes a little more sen-" 

"Hey guys, I gotta go-" 

"What the fuck? Who the hell was on the phone?" 

"And why do you have to leave?" 

"Zetsu- Tobi's dumbass somehow managed to hurt himself while shadowing Zetsu and he only has me listed as an emergency contact so now I have to go pick him up." 

"Can't you just fucking leave him there? I'm sure he'd be fine." 

"He's annoying but I'm not heartless, yeah, I can't just leave him." 

"But you _could_." 

"See you later, brat...just don't bring Tobi-" 

"I won't- you two crazy kids have fun, yeah?" Deidara winked and left, ignoring Hidan as he went. 

"Wha- what the fuck is that supposed to mean!? Deidara-!" 

Sasori was pretty sure he knew what Deidara had meant but he wasn't about to tell Hidan that. He figured his day would go by easier if Hidan didn't know Deidara had been poking fun at Hidan and his sexuality. He could do without the other yelling about how he wasn't gay. And so, he decided to change the topic. 

"Do you really want to see my art?" 

"...what?" 

"Do you really want to see my art or were you just saying that to annoy Deidara?" 

"I really want to see it-" 

Sasori stood up, walking down a hallway. "Then come on." 

Hidan was quick to follow him, curious what exactly his eternal art would look like compared to Dei's fleeting art. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hidan's Contacts:  
> Sasori - Assori  
> Deidara - Art Freak  
> Kakuzu - Old Ass
> 
> Sasori's Contacts:  
> Deidara - Brat  
> Hidan - Brat #2
> 
> Deidara's Contacts:  
> Hidan - Religious Freak  
> Sasori - Danna
> 
> It's been 4 months- I'm so sorry guys dishsja I have literally no excuse I just wasnt writing suhs


End file.
